POOL ETIQUETTE FOR THE COMPETITIVE SWIMMER

By Mike Gustafson//Correspondent

For those unfortunate, colder-climate states without all-year access to outdoor aquatic adventure, this weekend is an unveiling. Swimmers north of the Mason-Dixon Line will shuck off coats, boots, and sweatshirts and head to bluer pastures of pasty bellies and frecklemania. Memorial Day marks the opening of many pools and beaches around the country, and competitive swimmers will elatedly jump out of the competition pool and head to the leisurely (and calmer) waters of recreation.

But before you join the waterlogged masses, there are some general and basic questions and rules to follow, especially if you are a competitive swimmer.

I. Does Your Suit Fit?
Most swimmers do not lounge in training suits and Speedos. But for northerners, it’s been a while since we hit the beach. A basic, fundamental question like, “Does my suit fit?” is one that many shockingly don’t ask themselves. A suit too small or too large could result in disastrous consequences for both pool patron and spectator. Just because “wardrobe malfunction” is a popular pastime for Ricky Berens and Nathan Adrian does not give you permission to play copycat, accidentally or otherwise. If this weekend marks your first suit-donning foray since last summer, suffice to say, do us a favor, and don’t assume.

II. Did You Pack Sunscreen?
If I wanted to smell burning flesh, I’ll go to the Sizzler, not to the pool deck. One forgetful weekend in the sun means you’re basically inviting that one guy you dislike at the office/school to continuously slap you on the back and say, “Fun weekend?” If we all simply wore sunscreen, this back-slapper would shrivel for lack of sun burnt backs to slap and disappear forever. (OK, not disappear, but just become nicer.) Avoid becoming a lobster.

III. Use Your Powers of Aquatic Prowess For Good.
Don’t be that guy who swims sprint butterfly until all patrons exit to escape your tidal wave fury. It may be tempting to thrash out a 25 sprint fly just as a gray-haired water-walker enters the pool, but if you derive pleasure from conquering the entire pool for your own Cesarean joy, bottle your competitiveness for actual practice. Share the pool. Swim butterfly to show how awesome swimming is, not how rapacious swimmers are.

IV. Be a Warrior For Water Safety.

Like it or not, drowning is an epidemic. If you see someone doing something unsafe, like diving in the shallow end of the pool, or sliding belly-down on a skateboard while his friends push him along toward the deep end, say something. (And not, “Whoa, let me try!”) Lead by example. I don’t know why some swimmers think competitive experience gives them the belief they are immune to serious aquatic injury. Don’t run on deck, don’t sprint and dive in a shallow end, don’t do flips off starting blocks while doing your best Stallone impression. Serious moment: A lot of kids with limited swimming experience look up to swimmers. Be a good example.

V. It’s Okay To Hustle Football Players.
If a large-muscled boy/man sees you swimming, or you donning a Speedo, or you talking about how awe-inspiring Michael Phelps is, and this boy/man says “[insert something negative]” then by all means, race him. Challenge him in front of his friends. He’ll accept the challenge. And when you beat him, and his friends are laughing and giving him grief, race them too. And when, finally, you’ve beaten them all, smile, and let them know when the next swim practice starts.

That’s just proper etiquette.